Why do women overheen 50 bear online dating? Guys lie about their age and all want junior women, High50
Charlotte Metcalf takes an amusing look at why so many online dates end te frustration for women, and concludes that the entire thing is a mug’s game…
“I’ve got a confession,” he said. “I liedje on my profile. I’m not indeed 65.” He leant forward conspiratorially: “I’m 71.”
‘Well, you look terrific on it,” said my friend, Ella.
He beamed, gratified.
“And I have to confessed that I also liedje,” she said.
His face darkened. “You mean you’re overheen 50?”
“But you were 48 ter your online profile.”
“Well, wij both liedje,” said Ella spil she laughed and raised hier glass.
He frowned and called for the bill. “I’m afraid this isn’t going to work. To be fair, I don’t feel there’s indeed any chemistry inbetween us.”
Masculine fantasies of junior women
Since that date, Ella, who organises singles’ drinks parties for a living, has worried about confessing to the evidently insurmountable mental peak of being overheen 50. One friend of mine won’t go out to a party with mij if she thinks I might tell someone how old wij are.
For guys, whatever their age, 50 is often a step beyond which they are unprepared to venture. Merienda they are free from their marriages or long-term relationships, the majority of masculine fantasies revolve around junior women.
Even if they’ve never lodged down, when they ultimately determine to do it, it’s usually with someone youthfull enough to produce a family.
One life-long bachelor, approaching 60, who’s never lived with anyone, told mij he wasgoed ready to commit to someone who could give him children.
Another, who’s even older, asked mij to introduce him to my 36-year-old friend when he heard she dreamed to become pregnant.
My friend Anna recently set up hier 52-year-old gf with a man of 56. “They would have suited each other flawlessly,” she said. ‘It wasn’t until half way through dinner that I realised he wasgoed actually hitting on my daughter.”
A friend talent a dinner party recently for 30 single people and the only woman who received any follow-up whatsoever wasgoed still ter hier forties.
Statistics on fresh dads overheen 50
Before you dismiss all this spil anecdotal, te 2013 the National Office of Statistics found there had bot a 40 vanaf cent increase te studs overheen 50 becoming fresh dads since the beginning of the millennium: 21 guys overheen 50 were becoming fresh dads every day and two overheen 60.
It’s no wonder that so many vensterluik dates or online encounters end with abasement for older women.
Of course I think my friends are beautiful, accomplished, slim, amusing and joy. But the reality is that studs, however old, choose their women a little juicier, spil if conjunction with a menopausal or post-menopausal woman might condemn them to instant decrepitude.
One 60-something man I sat next to at dinner recently asked mij, “Are you still the right side of humid?” I am infrequently at a loss for words but I gaped.
Life competence and sexual confidence
Is it any wonder that so many of us have lost confidence ter our sexiness? Even before wij know what vaginal atrophy means, most of us realise that we’re unlikely to practice that coup-de-foudre across a crowded slagroom everzwijn again.
We’re more likely to resign ourselves to being invisible while boys years older than us eye up the waitress.
While wij have far more self-assurance than wij used to te our competence and life abilities, most of us are appalled of wearing a swimsuit, let alone tearing our underwear off ter an erotic madness and thrashing around naked.
A few of us feel intimidated by men’s sexual appetites, worrying that wij won’t be able to match them with our own shrinking libidos.
Even so, I am less cynical now about true love than I’ve everzwijn bot. But I certainly don’t expect to practice it within the stifling restricts of a conventional relationship. Strafgevangenis do I believe ter looking for Mr Right via online dating or organised singles’ parties.
Given wij only have a duo or so decades left, what’s the point of doing anything if it’s not joy? Sitting with a stranger and fretting overheen who’s going to pay for dinner or how he might react when confronted with my wobbling nether regions is not my idea of joy at all.
Besides, many of us are carrying hurt that cannot be mended by a quick romp. A loterijlot of us have bot through a split up that has riven our families and spil we’ve nurtured our children through the fall-out we’ve often neglected to acknowledge our own spiritual and emotional bruising.
Many women I talk to find it difficult to trust again. Or they find that they come in a relationship swift te an effort to cheer themselves up and then make the same mistakes all overheen again, emerging more hurt and wary than before they went into it.
Why look online? Choose life!
So why are so many of us attempting to find love online? Among my friends, I am yet to find an example of a successful online encounter.
Why go through the indignity of watching your date’s face fall spil he assesses the difference inbetween the vivo you and the gorgeous photograph you posted on the dating webpagina that very likely made you look ten years junior?
I have never online dated but recently I arranged to meet a man I hadn’t seen for years at a party via a series of flirtatious emails. I arrived and spotted his eyes narrow spil he attempted to work out who the woman grinning and bearing down on him wasgoed. By the time he recognised mij, I’d already seen his eyes assess and then dismiss mij.
Willingly, he hugged mij warmly to conceal the rejection but I knew it wasgoed his memory of my junior self he had bot anticipating, not the 56-year-old he wasgoed now confronting.
But has anything truly switched? If anything is different now it’s that wij expect to have it all well into our dotage. Plastic surgery has meant some can go on pretending to look 35 at 55 and an enlarged sense of entitlement means lots of women believe they deserve a nice man to cuddle up to on the sofa and project city cracks with.
What some of us leave behind is that there are so many other routes to happiness straks ter life. Being single means never again having to compromise. Wij are the generation that fought for independence and freedom but now that wij have it, we’re groaning about where all the fellows have gone.
Well, spil they always did, they’ve gone off to look for fertile women and procreate again because they can. So rather than risk puinhoop, dejection and heartbreak, shall wij just leave them to it?
“Seek and ye shall find,” is a misguided lump of rubbish. However it’s a cliche it’s also a truth that it’s only when people zekering looking for love and abandon attempting so hard that they’re able to permit te the unexpected – and so many of the greatest love affairs start abruptly and remarkably.
After all, if we’re out having joy and not being anxious about whether wij have hairs on our chin or if wij need to dye our pubes, we’re far more likely to bump into someone to have a good time with than if we’re poring overheen some random man’s online photograph. Step away from your laptop right now and go to the pub or a party. Get out amongst it.