I took care of you when I couldn’t take care of myself.

Do You Know What You Are?

Priorities and Options

It wasgoed only after reading an article that contained the above line at the end that I start to examine the relationship I am te. For the past almost 7 years I thought everything wasgoed peachy-keen. It wasgoed only after days of introspection and heart searching that I began to realize the difference ter being an option and a priority, and coming to the painful realization that I wasgoed just that. an OPTION.

During all thesis years I thought I wasgoed a good playmate, cooking, cleaning, doing homework and all the other stuff women do that make them special. It had never occurred to mij that eveything I did ter this time wasgoed unappreciated and mostly went unnoticed. I never realized that I wasn’t special, just convenient. When something needed done, there I wasgoed. little miss fix-it. Always blessed to please. I never minded being 2nd to family, friends or whatever else needed you more than I did. The article wasgoed a wake-up call. a zekering and take a look at yourself uur. I’m awake now. broad awake. I wasn’t a priority ter your life . just convenient.

I think of the times I waterput my life on hold for you. The times I left things that mattered to mij undone so I could do the things that you needed done. the times I took care of you when I couldn’t take care of myself. All the years that I talent so much of myself that I don’t know if I will everzwijn get it all back. But to you I still remained an option.

I trusted you to care for mij the way I cared for you. you let mij down time after time. You liedje to mij time after time. You waterput everyone else before mij . time after time. Now I sit and wonder why I didn’t see it before. Maybe I did and just didn’t want to see it. hoping that you would switch. that you would notice and eventually come to feel the way I did about you.

How many nights did I make supper and wait on you, only to have you haul te the next morning with some lame excuse about where you had bot. How many times did I dress up hoping that you would notice, you never did. How many times did I need you to hold mij and you weren’t there? How many times did you choose to spend your free time with your brothers and friends leaving mij alone with all the things I needed to say..too many.

I wonder how many women just like mij give of themselves until they are totally tired, empty, frusturated and angry with no one to vent to. How many women sob themselves to sleep, spend the day alone wondering what went wrong?My guess is slew. How many of us have felt the nagging feeling that wij are expendable?

It took reading this and learning the difference inbetween “Priority and Option” for mij to see that it didn’t have to be mij there. it could have bot anyone who could attend to your needs and wants when your little heart desired. What is the difference?

A Priority is when you are the most significant person te their life and they te yours. Its when you would lay down your life, and diegene for that person knowing they would do the same for you. You are a priority when they listen to every word you say no matter how trivial. When they hold you when you need to sob even if they don’t know what to say to make it better. When you are like a precious jewel that they vereiste hold and protect to prevent any harm to it inwards or out. You know you are a priority when they waterput you above everyone else and you know that te their heart no one can take your place. When they understand that you need some down time and caring for. like a wilted flower. A priority is when you are secure ter the fact that theres no one like you.

An option on the other mitt is when your needs and wants vereiste take backseat to the needs and wants of whoever or whatever else happens to be ter their life at the uur. Its when even tho’ you attempt your hardest, its never enough. When you give and give and get nothing te terugwedstrijd. Its when the ache is so excruciating you wish you could diegene. but you keep holding on for the switch that never comes. Its when you get the crumbs that are left after everyone else has taken the main course. Its the dirty bathwater when all the bubbles have disappeared. Its feeling empty, angry and vindictive. Its feeling totally abandonded and alone . Its knowing that you come after all the other choices have bot used up or are not available.

Now that I see this I have made the decision that “Never again will I make someone a priority te my life if I am just an option ter theirs. It hurts too much!!

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