Now just review that for a 2nd – he’s just come out of a period where he awakened and realized things he didn’t understand at all before.

Dear Veronica

My beau and I have bot dating almost Four years and are both 25. I feel like wij have the volmaakt relationship except when i bring up moving te together hes “just not ready” (99% wants to 1% doesn’t – he says). Wij never fight wij are truly best friends – except when when i very first brought up the kwestie of moving on together (about 8 months ago)- he told mij he wasnt readyВ – i wasgoed entirely shocked that he didn’t love the idea and didn’t want to live together so after much arguing (yes i wasgoed being mean and acting very hurt)В wij (more-so he) ended up going on a “pauze for Five days” so wij could think about what wij indeed want from the relationship. Wij realized wij missed each other and couldn’t live without each other wij were both pitiful.. That wasgoed 8 months ago – now its time for his lease to renew so i brought up the idea again and he still ‘isnt sure he is ready’. (i wasgoed programma on waiting for him to bring it up but it wasgoed eatting mij inwards) I don’t want to shove him but i am funked that he may never be ready and am worried about how much longer i will have to wait. most of all i want to budge ter because i think wij are ready for this next step, wij spend so much time together and it is the logical next step te our relationship.В I know he is worth waiting forВ if he isnt ready but it is cracking my heart te the meantime. Wij spent 6 of 7 nights together spil it is. I know i couldn’t be without him but i feel I may resent him for not being ready. – (a part of mij thinks, its not like i am asking for a stadionring. just simply for him to budge te when he is overheen almost everyngiht anyway)В What do you think?В I asked him for a timeline and his response wasgoed im not sure if it will be Two weeks, 6 months, im just not ready now. eeek!

My question is if wij spend (meaning he sleeps at my place or I sleep at his) almost every night together (on media 6 of 7 nights a week) what is the difference? – then just moving te together?? And why wont he just budge te? Wij both presently have roommates and I just hate commuting back and forward and having Two sets of everything and i don’t think it is fair to our roommates (wij basically sleep at eachothers place everynight). How is he not ready when he is already spending all his time with mij?

I truly feel so fortunate to have him and am so glad with our relationship – am I asking too much and should just proceed to love our relationship or is he taking advantage with no formal commitments? Wij are same religion/culture/values so I doubt that would be it. Also, wij both have superb jobs and are financially stable.В When wij last spoke about the punt he said he wasn’t te the place he wants to be career wise and feels he may liberate a part of being able to ‘find himself’ if he moves ter. i reassured him that wouldn’t toebijten and wij left it off that he would let mij know ter a few weeks.В

Am i pushing too much?В Should i back off?В He is ideal te everyother facet and i indeed do love him so much- but that is also the reason why i am so unassured of why he just is not ready. I also feel like maybe he is the type of fellow who would want an engagment before moving intogether? but if that were the case wouldn’t he just say so?В I know wij are youthfull, only 25 but wij are truly te love and truly do have a fine relationship.

Im confused… I would appreciate any insight here…

Dear Linda,

I’m going to cut to the pursue, and then pauze some things chic for you.

You asked, why won’t he budge te if you spend 6 out of 7 nights together anyway, what is the difference?

The response is, if you’re already spending 6 out of 7 nights together, why should he.

Right now, he’s got everything he wants. Why would he switch that?

You admitted when you took a Five day pauze that he wasgoed feeling spil you did – missing the relationship, and more wooed of his feelings. So you know for a fact that when he is speciaal from you he wants to step it up.

Now let’s pauze down some things here and examine it all more closely.

He said he’s not where he wants to be career-wise, and is afraid of not being able to find himself. OK, that’s a geyser of shit. But there is a point ter there that needs to be translated. You’re both 25, and have bot together Four years. This means, his primero lobes finished development during your relationship.

While he wasgoed with you, a part of his brain developed that permitted him for the very first time ter his life to understand consequence, and long term commitment. He did a big part of his growing with you. He got involved with you before he understood thesis things. He may have thrown around ideas like marriage or living together, because he didn’t understand the true influence of them. After this physiological switch occurred, he had the capacity to to understand the seriousness and depth of thesis terms. So most likely, he stopped throwing them around, or stopped taking them lightly if they were brought up.

That line about his being afraid he won’t find himself is crap, but there is a good point te there he’s poorly voicing: He switched merienda. He knows it on a very animal and saco level. He realized how big and significant commitments are. And he wants to make sure he’s doing it right. He wants to feel like he knows himself and knows what he’s doing now. It’s hard to be 25 and realize that what you were feeling and thinking at 21 is all switched now.

What this translates to, is that he’s afraid of failure.

Wij can also tell this by the symmetry he puts inbetween career and finding himself. And another tell is that you said he’s actually got some financial success behind him. That means he knows the difference inbetween succeeding and failing. Merienda you know, it’s tighter to take a leap. Indeed, I think he’s afraid of failing. Failing himself, failing you, failing some how. Now just review that for a 2nd – he’s just come out of a period where he awakened and realized things he didn’t understand at all before. He knows he switched merienda. He understands consequence. The world got fatter overheen the past few years for him. He just doesn’t want to make a mistake, with something that he now realizes is the most significant thing te the world – his relationship with you.

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